Visiting the doctor can sometimes be unpleasant. Of course, it all depends on the problem we are facing, but in general, hospitals are not the kind of place we want to be, unless it is for a joyful event such as the birth of a child.
People talk about ‘awkward’ encounters with doctors, and as unpleasant as some of them may be, there are others that are simply hilarious.
- The patient’s unusual blue hands turned out to be blue jeans
Not me, but my roommate went to the doctor because his hands had turned blue. He was born prematurely and always had terrible circulation. So he goes to the doctor, who is so baffled by what is happening that she calls to consult with other doctors.
She comes back to the ward with alcohol swabs, and the blue starts to fade. Apparently, he hadn’t washed his new jeans, and the ink kept rubbing off his hands every time he put them in his pocket.
I was having a medical examination and forgot to put on my underwear. I always go without knickers unless I’m wearing a short dress, so when the doctor told me, ‘Put on the gown, but keep your bra and knickers on,’ I facepalmed.
When he lifted the gown to feel my stomach, I blushed and said, ‘I don’t wear underwear,’ to which he responded with a strange look.
- Coughing turns into burping
When I played football, I had to undergo a sports medical examination. I was quite young at the time. When the doctor told me to turn my head and cough, I panicked because I hadn’t coughed in a long time, and instead I burped.
- Doctors argued over my short limb
My left leg is slightly shorter than my right (about 1.5 cm, so nothing major), and when I was younger, I had to see a specialist because I also had scoliosis.
The doctor was older, German, and he had three interns working with him: one from South Africa, one from Mexico, and one from China.
After taking X-rays, the German doctor came back and told me that my right leg was shorter than my left, pointing to the displacement of my hip on the X-ray. I corrected him, but he insisted that my right leg was shorter.
The South African stood up for me and pointed out that he was looking at the X-ray backwards. The German doctor did not believe him, and their argument became so heated that the Mexican and Chinese doctors left.
I was about five years old at the time. There was a large field near our house where my two older brothers and I rode mini motorcycles. Anyway, I crashed my motorcycle and cut my leg badly.
I was taken to the local doctor to have stitches. He pulled down my little trousers, and I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Twenty years later, I still have a scar on my leg. And the lack of underwear is still a common family joke.
- John Cusack, you say?
A few years ago, I came down with the flu. My wife took me to a 24-hour emergency clinic near our home. The doctor on duty was about 30 years old and quite handsome.
My wife was in the reception area, and I was with the doctor in the patient room when the doctor turned to me and said, ‘You look like John Cusack’ (which I did).
I told her I get that all the time, but she kept repeating it, and her words started to sound creepy. So there I was, lying on the bed, trying my best not to pass out, and the doctor started playing with my hair and talking about John Cusack until my wife came in.
- Mistake in talking to a child: Obstetrician’s humorous comment
When I was recently pregnant with my daughter, I went to my obstetrician for a pelvic exam. After I got into the stirrups, the doctor examined my vagina and said, ‘Oh, you’ll be fine if you have a big baby; there’s plenty of room here.’
I’m sure she meant that I had a wide pelvis and would have no problem with vaginal delivery, but I heard something completely different.
- A remark turns into a compliment
I was ten years old when I was taken to the emergency room with a ruptured appendix. They couldn’t diagnose my problem and sent me for an enema. The doctor was doing his job. I said, ‘You must be the most unpopular doctor in the hospital.’ He replied, ‘I don’t get many thank-you cards.’
- An awkward encounter with an attractive doctor
Well, it wasn’t that awkward, but it was April Fool’s Day, and just before going to class, I decided to go to the toilet. To my surprise, the toilet paper was completely red.
By this point, I was freaking out about going to the doctor, thinking I was bleeding from my bum. I go to the emergency room and pay £100. A very attractive doctor makes me bend over to look at my bum. That was the most awkward part for me.
She said that I was probably fine since I wasn’t in any pain. An hour later, I was sitting at home wondering if I was going to die. I realised that the night before, I had drunk a lot, smoked and eaten a whole bag of hot Chitos. It turns out that if you eat a whole bag, your poo turns red.