I have always been a patient person. I learned patience when my father remarried after my mother passed away. So when my in-laws tried to force me to break up with my husband before the wedding, I simply used what I had learned in early childhood to withstand their pressure.
You know, sometimes trying to find your place in someone else’s family can be very difficult. At least, that’s how it was for me when I met my husband’s family. You see, I’m from Morocco, and my husband Jeremy was raised in an extremely conservative family in Georgia. That should be enough for you to understand what I was up against.
I immigrated to the US shortly after my mother died. I was 11 years old at the time, and I felt like my whole world was coming to an end. On top of that, my father remarried a little over a year after my mother’s death. Naturally, it wasn’t easy to adjust to life in a new country and come to terms with the fact that there was a new woman in my mother’s place.
My stepmother wasn’t a bad person, but we never got along. I think she felt insecure because she would never have children of her own, so she was often mean and distant towards my sister and me. She constantly tried to upset us by doing little nasty things that she knew would cause us discomfort, but fortunately, my mother taught me to always smile when people are deliberately rude to me.
It turned out to be an excellent defense mechanism, and my stepmother couldn’t accept that her tricks didn’t work on me. Eventually, everything calmed down and we made up, but I’ll never forget how effective it was to just smile when she came up with a new petty trick to upset me. It was truly one of the greatest gifts my mother ever gave me.
But my stepmother was a minor annoyance compared to Jeremy’s family. When I first met them, I knew I was in for a long, cold war.
I met Leona, Jeremy’s mother, and the rest of the Fergus family at one of their family dinners. By that time, I had been dating Jeremy for almost a year, and they had used every excuse not to invite me to their dinners. This time, Jeremy made sure they couldn’t avoid meeting me and even asked his mom to prepare a few dishes that I could eat, since I avoid pork and alcohol.
Although my loving boyfriend was sure that there would be something for me, I knew that I shouldn’t blindly trust people who clearly dislike me and respect my personal choices, so I ate as I usually did before fasting and prepared to sit down at the dinner table while everyone else enjoyed their meal.
When we arrived at Jeremy’s parents’ house, the family greeted me with half-joking smiles and quick hugs, after which we sat down at the table to eat. I knew the greetings would be awkward and stiff, but what I didn’t expect was for Leona to bring over a cheerful blonde with a huge smile and say, “Oh, Alea, you just have to meet Diana, Jeremy’s latest girlfriend. We’re all still very close, and I thought you two might hit it off.”
Diana looked a little embarrassed and shook my hand with a smile that seemed to say, “I’m sorry, I know, but what could I do?” I introduced myself, and we exchanged a few pleasantries, after which she gave Jeremy a big hug. She immediately started talking to him about what was going on in his life, completely ignoring me. Jeremy answered a few questions, took my hand, and led me to our seats.
At the table, things got even worse. Leona opened all the dishes, and each one contained pork. There were pieces of bacon in the macaroni and cheese, lard in the mashed potatoes, and even the turkey was wrapped in bacon. After opening all the dishes, Jeremy’s mother looked at me, apologized for the pork, and offered me a drink. “I don’t drink, but I’d love a glass of water,” I said with a smile. Slightly saddened, Leona got up to bring me one.
During the meal, the whole family constantly made offensive, passive-aggressive, and slightly racist comments that were clearly directed at me. Meanwhile, Diana was showered with compliments. One might assume that she was royally pleased with how the family fawned over her. But I knew exactly how to handle the situation.
Instead of showing my irritation, I once again drew on my mother’s wisdom. I smiled at every so-called joke and even offered a few compliments of my own to Diana. I told Leona how wonderful the food looked and thanked her profusely when she went to refill my water glass. I could see Jeremy’s mother seething at my pleasant behavior.
The evening ended, and we said our goodbyes. I refrained from complaining to Jeremy about his family. I could handle it. But things never got better. Family dinners suddenly became off-limits to anyone who wasn’t Fergus—though Diana seemed to be the exception—so I often spent Christmas alone or with my sister. They never drove a wedge between Jeremy and me, and imagine their shock when he finally proposed to me.