Visiting the doctor can sometimes be unpleasant. Of course, it all depends on the problem we are facing, but in general, hospitals are not the kind of place we want to be, unless it is for a joyful event such as the birth of a child.
People talk about ‘awkward’ encounters with doctors, and as unpleasant as some of them may be, there are others that are simply hilarious.
- The patient’s unusual blue hands turned out to be blue jeans
Not me, but my roommate went to the doctor because his hands had turned blue. He was born prematurely and always had terrible circulation. So he goes to the doctor, who is so baffled by what is happening that she calls to consult with other doctors.
She comes back to the ward with alcohol swabs, and the blue starts to fade. Apparently, he hadn’t washed his new jeans, and the ink kept rubbing off his hands every time he put them in his pocket.
I was having a medical examination and forgot to put on my underwear. I always go without knickers unless I’m wearing a short dress, so when the doctor told me, ‘Put on the gown, but keep your bra and knickers on,’ I facepalmed.
When he lifted the gown to feel my stomach, I blushed and said, ‘I don’t wear underwear,’ to which he responded with a strange look.
- Coughing turns into burping
When I played football, I had to undergo a sports medical examination. I was quite young at the time. When the doctor told me to turn my head and cough, I panicked because I hadn’t coughed in a long time, and instead I burped.
- Doctors argued over my short limb
My left leg is slightly shorter than my right (about 1.5 cm, so nothing major), and when I was younger, I had to see a specialist because I also had scoliosis.
The doctor was older, German, and he had three interns working with him: one from South Africa, one from Mexico, and one from China.
After taking X-rays, the German doctor came back and told me that my right leg was shorter than my left, pointing to the displacement of my hip on the X-ray. I corrected him, but he insisted that my right leg was shorter.
The South African stood up for me and pointed out that he was looking at the X-ray backwards. The German doctor did not believe him, and their argument became so heated that the Mexican and Chinese doctors left.
I was about five years old at the time. There was a large field near our house where my two older brothers and I rode mini motorcycles. Anyway, I crashed my motorcycle and cut my leg badly.
I was taken to the local doctor to have stitches. He pulled down my little trousers, and I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Twenty years later, I still have a scar on my leg. And the lack of underwear is still a common family joke.
- John Cusack, you say?
A few years ago, I came down with the flu. My wife took me to a 24-hour emergency clinic near our home. The doctor on duty was about 30 years old and quite handsome.
My wife was in the reception area, and I was with the doctor in the patient room when the doctor turned to me and said, ‘You look like John Cusack’ (which I did).
I told her I get that all the time, but she kept repeating it, and her words started to sound creepy. So there I was, lying on the bed, trying my best not to pass out, and the doctor started playing with my hair and talking about John Cusack until my wife came in.
- Mistake in talking to a child: Obstetrician’s humorous comment
When I was recently pregnant with my daughter, I went to my obstetrician for a pelvic exam. After I got into the stirrups, the doctor examined my vagina and said, ‘Oh, you’ll be fine if you have a big baby; there’s plenty of room here.’
I’m sure she meant that I had a wide pelvis and would have no problem with vaginal delivery, but I heard something completely different.
- A remark turns into a compliment
I was ten years old when I was taken to the emergency room with a ruptured appendix. They couldn’t diagnose my problem and sent me for an enema. The doctor was doing his job. I said, ‘You must be the most unpopular doctor in the hospital.’ He replied, ‘I don’t get many thank-you cards.’
- An awkward encounter with an attractive doctor
Well, it wasn’t that awkward, but it was April Fool’s Day, and just before going to class, I decided to go to the toilet. To my surprise, the toilet paper was completely red.
By this point, I was freaking out about going to the doctor, thinking I was bleeding from my bum. I go to the emergency room and pay £100. A very attractive doctor makes me bend over to look at my bum. That was the most awkward part for me.
She said that I was probably fine since I wasn’t in any pain. An hour later, I was sitting at home wondering if I was going to die. I realised that the night before, I had drunk a lot, smoked and eaten a whole bag of hot Chitos. It turns out that if you eat a whole bag, your poo turns red.
- Taste buds!?
My throat was sore, and when I tried to get a good look at it in the mirror, I noticed these big pink spots all over the back of my tongue.
I worried about it for a whole week, wondering what it was and why it wasn’t going away, until my mum got so worried that she took me to the doctor.
After examining my throat and tongue, he said that what I had seen were my taste buds. I had never seen my doctor, an incredibly stoic man, smile so broadly. My family will never let me live this down.
- An unfortunate tuft made the doctor wonder
I went to the doctor when I was about eight months pregnant. At that point, I had VERY bad gas, and if I tried to hold it in, it would become painful after a while.
As I sat in the doctor’s office, I felt the urge to fart. I held it in for a while, thinking that if I farted, the doctor would walk in at any moment. Fifteen minutes passed, and nothing happened.
Then I decided to let it go. It was the tiniest fart, but it smelled really bad. Thirty seconds later, the doctor walked in and asked what that smell was.
- It took a different turn
When I turned 30, I suddenly became a hypochondriac. It seemed to me that EVERYTHING was cancer or something worse. So, when I went to the doctor for my annual check-up, I mentioned that I had pain in the left side of my chest.
I asked, ‘I know it’s rare, but could it be breast cancer?’ (I’m a man, by the way). The doctor examined me seriously and then asked with a straight face, ‘Is the pain worse when you have your period?’ That pretty much ended my year of hypochondria.
- Awkward hugging failure
I hadn’t seen my doctor in over a year, and he met me outside the examination room before I went in. He spread his arms, and I was a little surprised.
I started to move to hug him, but he stepped back a little and made it clear that he was just gesturing politely for me to enter the room before him. With my head down, I marched into the room.
- An emotional visit to the hospital
I had a full-blown panic attack when I was sent to the kidney ward of the hospital. I cried for an hour because I didn’t want to be examined. The most interesting thing about this story? I was seventeen years old. I probably should have paid more attention in class.
- My sports injury turned into a normal conversation
This isn’t a specific case, but I often get sports injuries that hurt a lot until I see a doctor. But the appointment ends up being a normal conversation, as it always does when I go to the doctor.
I say, ‘It hurts so much!’ The doctor replies, ‘Does it hurt when I do this?’ I answer, ‘No.’ Despite additional pressure and questions, I invariably say that it doesn’t hurt. The doctor concludes, ‘I think everything will be fine.’
- I accidentally kissed the doctor’s hand
I took my son (he is one year old) to the doctor to check him for an ear infection. He got upset when the doctor examined him. All this time, I hold him on my lap, whisper in his ear and try to calm him down.
When the doctor looked into his ear, I reassured my son by kissing his head. Unfortunately, the doctor had just put his hand there to hold him in place.
I gently pressed my lips right onto his hand! I pulled away without saying a word, and we both pretended nothing had happened.
- From giggles to gas
When I was fourteen, I got pimples on my face and started to look like a human pizza. My mum took me to the doctor, and everything started off normally.
The doctor was an elderly woman in her fifties, and she seemed nice. But something made me feel confused when she started gesturing towards her crotch while talking. ‘Does anything hurt here?’
You can probably guess what happened; with the sense of humour of a fourteen-year-old teenager, I started laughing so hard that I tried to stop myself by coughing. But the coughing made me fart.
- Festive hymns added a cheerful note to my visit to the gynaecologist
I’m a student, so I always make my appointments during the winter holidays. During this season, Christmas songs play throughout the office.
Towards the end of my appointment, it was time for my smear test. I climbed onto the table and opened my mouth wide just as the choir began singing ‘O Come, All Ye Faithful.’
- The bizarre dentist’s chair that made me giggle
I’ve never done anything incredibly embarrassing, but there is one thing that makes me uncomfortable when I visit the dentist. I don’t mind them fiddling around in my mouth, and I can tolerate discomfort, scratches and so on.
The problem is that when the dentist/hygienist pumps the lever on the chair, it goes up in little jumps. I can’t help it, so I start giggling. I know it was cute when I was six, but now I’m twenty-six and I look really weird.
- The consequences of having wisdom teeth removed
I was under anaesthesia after having my wisdom teeth removed. While I was waiting for my ride in a not-so-empty lobby, I vaguely remember seeing someone else with a bunch of gauze hanging out of their mouth; when I saw this, I started laughing at them.
Of course, my friend came in and saw me laughing at myself in the mirror. My friend asked the administrator if I was okay, to which she replied, ‘Oh yes, he’s been like this for over five minutes.’
- The day the ‘pimple’ took centre stage
I had a small bump on my chin. I thought it might be a pimple. It had been there for several months, so I got nervous and went to the doctor.
He looked at it for a few seconds and then squeezed it hard. It hurt a lot. It turned out to be a pimple. When he jumped up, he said, ‘Wow! It hit the wall!’ Then, pointing to the wall, he said, ‘We’ll disinfect it later.’
- Strange smell
Remote user: My husband started to smell really bad… I mean, REALLY. I made an appointment for him to see a urologist and decided to go with him for support. He went into the doctor’s office, and the doctor closed the door.
Five minutes later, the doctor comes out, and his face turns red when he sees me. Doc (barely holding back laughter): You’ll probably want to go in and see for yourself.
Me: ‘Doctor, what’s going on? Why are you laughing?’ And then my husband comes out. He says: ‘Darling… I’m not sure how to say this… But I’ve been cheating on you.’
His words hit me like a freight train, and I felt my heart shatter into pieces. I looked at him, searching for any sign of the person I thought I knew, but all I saw was a stranger. The doctor, realising the gravity of the situation, quickly excused himself, leaving us in an awkward, painful silence.
I stood there, devastated, as the truth about his infidelity and the reason for the sudden change in his scent sank in.
The smell was caused by a sexually transmitted disease that the doctor had diagnosed him with, and he knew that I didn’t have it, so the betrayal was obvious. That day opened my eyes to everything.
Have you ever had an awkward situation at the doctor’s office?
