‘I’m sorry, but I can’t make an exception.
It violates airline policy to have an adult passenger sitting on another passenger’s lap.
It’s a safety issue.’
Dave’s smug smile faded.
‘But-’
‘No buts,’ the flight attendant interrupted him.
‘And since you didn’t pay for this seat but were transferred here, you need to follow the rules.’
I bit my lip to keep from smiling.
The sheet turned over, and it was more than satisfactory.
The stewardess turned to Leah.
‘Madam, I need to ask you to return to your original seat.’
Leah’s eyes widened.
‘Are you serious? We’re married!’
‘Congratulations,’ the stewardess replied, her tone so that this conversation was complete.
‘But marriage does not exempt you from the airline’s safety rules.
Please return to your seat.’
Dave tried to interject.
‘Look, we’re sorry if we’ve disturbed anyone.
We’ll sit quietly, we promise.’
The flight attendant shook her head.
‘That’s not good enough.
Because of your disturbing behaviour, you’re both going to have to move to economy class at the back of the plane.’
Dave’s face went pale.
‘Both of us? But I’m-’
‘You were transferred as a favour,’ the stewardess interrupted him.
‘A favour you have abused.
Now gather your things.’
As Dave and Leah reluctantly gathered their things, I heard scraps of their whispered argument.
‘This is all your fault,’ Leah hissed.
‘My fault? You’re…’
‘That’s enough,’ the flight attendant interrupted them.
‘Please return to your seats.’
As they, blushing and avoiding my gaze, walked past, I couldn’t resist one last comment.
‘Have a nice honeymoon holiday,’ I said, moving my fingers in a playful gesture.
Dave’s gaze could have melted metal, but I just smiled and leaned back happily in my now relaxed chair.
The flight attendant turned to me.
‘Is there anything else you need, sir?’
I grinned as if I had just won the lottery.
‘Just some peace and quiet. And maybe a celebratory drink?’
As the stewardess left to get my drink, I was overcome with a brief attack of guilt.
Maybe I had been too harsh?
Ah no, I thought, they had set it up for themselves.
An elderly man on the other side of the aisle caught my eye and gave me a thumbs-up.
‘Well done, son,’ he laughed.
‘Reminds me of my first wife.
We were young and stupid too, but at least we knew how to behave in public.’
I smiled back.
‘Thank you. I was beginning to think I was in a hidden cell.’
The woman next to him leaned in.
‘Oh dear, you did us all a favour.
I was on the verge of shoving the guy’s pretzels right down my throat.’
We all laughed together, and the tension from earlier disappeared.
It was nice to have a few allies.
The stewardess returned with my drink, a small bottle of whiskey and a can of Coke.
‘On the house,’ she said with a wink.
‘Consider it a thank you for your patience.’
I raised the bottle for a toast.
‘To smooth flights and karma,’ I said loud enough for everyone to hear.
A choral ‘Cheers!’ erupted from the nearest seats.
As I mixed my drink, I wondered what had become of Dave and Leah.
Were they sitting back there plotting revenge?
Or had they finally realised how ridiculous their behaviour had been?
My thoughts were interrupted by a sound from the loudspeaker.
The captain’s voice boomed through the cockpit.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, turbulence is expected.
Please return to your seats and buckle up.’
I grinned to myself.
More turbulence?
After what we had just experienced?
The plane started to rock and I heard a shriek from behind me.
I turned around.
There was Dave, trying desperately to keep his tray from spilling into his lap.
I turned around again and took a sip of my whiskey and coke.
‘Karma is a witch!’ – I muttered.
The turbulence calmed down and the flight fell into silence.
Just when I thought nothing more was going to happen, there was a noise in the back of the plane.
‘I have to go to the bathroom!’
It was Leah’s voice, shrill and demanding.
I turned round and saw her in the aisle, Dave standing right behind her.
A distressed flight attendant, different from the one who had helped me earlier, tried to calm her down.
‘Ma’am, please return to your seat.
The seat belt sign is still on,’ the flight attendant explained.
‘But this is an emergency!’ – Leah wailed, while doing a little dance for emphasis.
I caught the older man’s gaze.
He winked at me and was clearly enjoying what was happening.
Dave stepped in, his voice gushing honeyed with feigned sympathy.
‘Look, my wife has a medical condition.
She really needs to use the toilet in the front.
The one in the back is…occupied.’
The flight attendant looked confused.
‘I understand, but rules are rules.
You need to wait until the captain turns off the seatbelt sign.’
Leah’s face contorted.
‘But I can’t wait! Please, I’m begging you!’