My stepdad always made a big deal of calling himself the ‘head of the family’, but when his ‘special gift’ for my mum’s birthday turned out to be a packet of toilet paper, I knew it was time to return the favour. And, let’s just say, that gift soon came in handy for him.
My stepfather, Oleg, loved to remind us all that he was the breadwinner in the house throughout our childhood. Every time he sat down to dinner, he would start with his usual phrase:
You’re all lucky I keep a roof over your head,’ he would say and chuckle. He also often said this while reclining in his old armchair. It was his favourite thing to do.
My mum, Elena, always nodded in response. She was the kind of woman who avoided conflict at all costs. She didn’t grow up in the fifties, but her upbringing was very different from ours. She made silence almost an art form.
As her children, we – my siblings, Anya, Lisa and Anton – saw her wanting to say something, but she kept quiet. At the same time, we certainly didn’t think Oleg was the ‘king of the castle’ or a ‘real man,’ as he called himself.
Yes, he paid all the bills while we were growing up, and we were grateful for that. But that didn’t give him the right to treat our mum like a servant and think he was above the rest of us.
We tried for years to get our mum to leave him, but to no avail.
Eventually we all moved away when we reached adulthood, but my sisters and I continued to visit Mum often. Anton lived on the other side of the country, but he called every couple of days.
And yet we were worried about her.
I felt that our visits were not enough to really understand what was going on in the house. I often sat alone in my flat and wondered if Mum would ever be able to leave this man, and what would have to happen for her to finally break free of her conditioned chains.
And so, this year was the turning point. This time Oleg had gone too far. A few days before his mum’s birthday, he wouldn’t stop bragging about his ‘special gift’.
This gift will blow her away,’ he said at dinner, grinning smugly.
I wanted to believe that this time he’d decided to be respectful to Mom. But I knew in my heart that Oleg was still Oleg, and people like that don’t change.
Mum’s birthday came, and, of course, my sisters and I came and sat in the living room. Oleg was literally glowing, and mum was looking at him with hope in her eyes.
When she opened our presents, Oleg handed her a huge, beautifully wrapped box. He smiled, and Mum’s face lit up with joy as she carefully untied the ribbon.
‘Oleg, you shouldn’t have…’ she said quietly.
Yes, I did. Come on, open it,’ he insisted, leaning forward in his chair.
She slowly unwrapped the package, savouring the moment… until she saw what was inside was toilet paper. A 12-roll package. Four-ply. Family size.
Mum blinked in confusion.
She’s so soft. Like you! – Oleg declared, slapping himself on the knee and laughing loudly. – And look, four layers, like your four kids. It’s perfect, isn’t it?
Mum laughed awkwardly, but I noticed her eyes moisten. My sisters and I looked at each other. This wasn’t just a bad gift – it was cruel.
We couldn’t take it anymore. We had to do something.
Two days later, our plan began to materialise. Oleg loved two things: being ‘in charge’ and free food. So we invited him to a ‘family dinner’ at a Chinese restaurant, which he always spoke admiringly about.
Anya, my younger sister, suggested the idea.
We’ll do it at his favourite place. He won’t suspect a thing,’ she said, grinning.
Lisa, the oldest of us and the most practical, raised an eyebrow.
And then what happens?
Don’t worry, we’ll sort everything out,’ Anya replied with a mysterious smile.
We chose the date and made sure that Oleg would not miss the dinner.
The dinner is on us,’ Anya said in a sweet voice.
Oleg stuck out his chest.
Well, finally someone decided to pay for me. I’m glad your adult life has opened your eyes to how lucky you are to have me!
We rolled our eyes to ourselves.
The restaurant was full that night. Shiny red lanterns hung above the ceiling, creating a cosy illumination.
The food on the neighbouring tables looked appetising, and I noticed how hungry Oleg was already as we sat down at our table.
When are your mum and Lisa coming? – he asked, wrinkling his nose toward the front door.
Don’t worry. They’ll be here soon. In the meantime, we can order something,’ I suggested, nodding to Anya.
She agreed and started listing the dishes we had specifically planned to order: Szechuan beef, chicken in gunbao sauce, and the spiciest mapo tofu on the menu.
Oleg made his usual order, but we knew our plan would work.
Each dish looked like a masterpiece – rich red and brown hues, fresh herbs and enough chilli peppers to bring a grown man to tears.
Anya’s eyes lit up as the waiter finished arranging the dishes on the table.
Oleg, you can eat spicy food, can’t you? – she asked, pretending to be worried.
Oleg hesitated for a second, but quickly nodded:
Of course I can. I can eat anything. Nothing is too spicy for a real man.
I picked up on that:
Just be careful, these dishes are very spicy.
My words hurt him.
Don’t talk rubbish, Katya,’ he said, grimacing, and took the chopsticks to try a piece of beef at once.
At first he gave an exaggerated moan of pleasure to ‘show his manhood,’ but soon his face was as red as the streetlights above us. Sweat beaded on his forehead and he began breathing heavily through his nose.
Is everything all right? – Anya asked with feigned excitement.
‘Of course,’ he replied with his mouth full. – It’s delicious.
I was sure that Oleg wouldn’t want to take a refill after drinking a whole glass of coke, but Anya and I started eating with pleasure.
Well, not so sharp,’ Anya commented, looking at him with a smile. It was a trap.
I nodded and put another portion down.
Oleg, not wanting to give in, started eating again. He was already breathing heavily, but when asked if everything was all right, he only answered:
It clears the sinuses well, girls.
Meanwhile, his fingers flew up again to call the waiter and ask for another Coke.
Anya leaned towards me and whispered:
He’ll feel it later.
Oh, he will,’ I whispered back, smiling slyly.
While Oleg was showing his ‘manliness’ by eating spicy food, Mum and Lisa were at home with a rented truck and movers packing up Mum’s things.
They quickly packed her clothes, souvenirs, her favourite chair and even her toaster. I insisted they take what Mom had given Oleg over the years, saving up money: his favourite chair and tools.
But the highlight of the plan was Anya’s suggestion to remove all the rolls of toilet paper from the house.
Oleg was still blushing when we left the restaurant, grumbling about how Mum and Lisa never showed up. I suggested we stop by the house to see if everything was okay.
When we arrived, everything was already set up. The lorry had left and Mum and Lisa were hiding in the garage.
Oleg went into the house, and Anya and I followed behind. He managed to make only a couple of steps into the living room, when suddenly stopped.
Where is my chair? – He shouted, noticing the empty seat.
It’s gone,’ Anya replied carelessly, tilting her head. – Mum took hers.
Oleg turned to us, his face flushed again, but before he could say anything, his stomach rumbled loudly. He bent down, holding his stomach.
Oh, this spicy food seems…’ he began, looking around in a panic.
Is something wrong, Oleg? I hope it’s not the food,’ I said, flapping my eyes innocently.
He looked at me angrily, and then rushed down the corridor. A few seconds later we heard the sound of the bathroom door slamming shut.
Mum and Lisa came out of their hiding place just in time to hear Oleg screaming from the bathroom:
Where’s all the toilet paper!
I couldn’t take it anymore and laughed.
We took it with the chair! – I shouted out, laughing. – After all, it belongs to mum too!
WHAT!!! – He yelled back.
He still didn’t seem to get it, so Mum moved closer to the bathroom door.
I’M LEAVING YOU, OLEG! And I’m taking what’s mine,’ she said loudly. – Including my dignity.
Oleg groaned loudly from behind the door.
You can’t just leave like that! – he shouted.
LOOK AT ME! – replied Mum. – Although, you can hardly do it now, but enjoy a night in the bathroom!
My sisters and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.
Oleg groaned again, and there were other unpleasant noises, which was the signal for us to leave.
Let’s go, Mum,’ I said.
She nodded and walked out with us, thanking us for our help.
The next day, Oleg tried to call her. He left voicemails with fake apologies and pathetic excuses.
Lena, come on, be reasonable! You can’t just run away! – he begged.
But Mum didn’t answer or call back.
Instead, we had a better idea.
For his birthday, we sent Oleg a small gift. A packet of toilet paper, wrapped up as nicely as the one he’d given Mum.
Inside was a note:
‘For a real man.’
Mum moved in with Lisa, temporarily, while we all helped her get back on her feet. Anton was thrilled to hear about our plan and wished he had been there for her.
From what I’ve learnt, Oleg is still complaining to everyone. And Mum is finally living her life without his control, and we are incredibly proud of her.
