‘I’m going to fix everything. I promise you, Nina. I’m going to fix everything. But first I’m going to teach him a lesson.’
‘Well, I don’t want to be here for that. You’ve got a week. Get him out or I’m out of here,’ she said.
‘What do you mean?’ asked I.
‘I’m leaving to go to my sister’s, Jeremy. I can’t stand your brother and I’m not staying here while he’s here,’ she said as she packed her suitcase.
‘I’ll make it up to you, my love,’ I promised her.
Over the next week, I turned Ted’s life into a nightmare without raising my voice once. And when Nina left, I had even more incentive to get him out.
The first thing I did was switch off the Wi-Fi. Ted, who spent most of the day tucked away on his phone or watching programmes on the TV, was completely lost.
He complained, but I only smiled.
‘Oh, the internet? Yeah, it’s been unstable.’
Then I turned off the hot water. Ted liked to take long, lazy showers, but now he was greeted by ice-cold water every morning.
‘Must be something wrong with the plumbing,’ I said innocently when he whined about it.
Then there was the food.
I filled the fridge with nothing but tofu, vegetables, and the healthiest food I could find. Ted hated anything that wasn’t fatty or fried. And now every time he opened the fridge, he groaned as if I was starving him.
‘You’re family, right?’ I said. ‘I’m sure you can put up with a little inconvenience. But it’s for my health, so it’ll be fine.’
To top it off, I started putting on music at 6 a.m. every day while I worked out on the treadmill at the gym. I decided that if Ted wasn’t going to contribute to the household, at least he could get up early.
Of course, he didn’t like all this. And on the fifth day, he looked like he was on the verge of insanity.
‘Jeremy, dude, this is bullshit,’ Ted said one morning, his voice full of frustration. ‘I can’t stay here. How can you live like this? No wifi, no hot water, no food that I like. It’s torture.’
I raised an eyebrow.
‘I thought you’d appreciate staying, Ted. It’s not like you don’t pay rent or contribute anything. What’s the problem?’
He muttered something to himself under his breath, clearly losing his temper.
‘Forget it, I’m going back to Mum and Dad’s.’
As he walked away, dragging his junk behind him, I couldn’t help but smile.
But I wasn’t finished yet. I cleaned the house, went grocery shopping, and made Nina a nice dinner. In the afternoon, I had already called her to let her know that Ted had left.
‘Come home, honey,’ I said.
‘See you later,’ she replied, and I could hear the smile in her voice.
While Nina waited for her to shower, I realised there was one more thing left to do.
‘Mum, Dad,’ I said over the phone. ‘Ted has left my house. And he’s not coming back. This is your problem again.’
My mum was furious.
‘Jeremy, you can’t just kick him out! Where will he go?’
‘That’s up to Ted, Mum. He’s 42 years old. If you guys want to continue to patronise him, go ahead. But I’m done.’
After that, I found out that Ted had moved back into my parents’ house, but they demanded that he turn the garage into his own space. They forced him to get a job.
Ted was upset, of course, so they blamed it on me. But I was fine with that. Nina and I had our own house again, and we had peace of mind.
What would you do?
If you enjoyed this story, here’s another one for you
My husband ‘accidentally’ locked me in the basement to watch basketball with his friends in our house
Dani can’t stand her husband’s friends. So when Ethan suggests inviting them to a basketball game, she dismisses the idea. On the day of the game, Dani goes to the basement to get a six-pack of beer, but before she knows it, she’s locked inside. What happens next…?
I should have said no from the beginning. And not just when Ethan proposed the idea of his friends coming over for dinner. I mean, it was much earlier, when I first realised how awful they were. I’ve never explicitly said I don’t hate them, but let me be honest with you: I think I’ve expressed myself clearly enough.
But my husband, Ethan?
He’s so different from these guys. In his 35s, he’s a successful manager at a technology company, but for reasons I’ll never understand, he’s still friends with the same guys he went to high school with.
They’re loud, rude, and totally unlike Ethan. They are everything he left behind when he made something of himself.
Except, apparently, his loyalty to them.
‘Dani, it’s just one game,’ he said that night, sitting in the kitchen with a hopeful grin. ‘The guys are really excited to watch the game here. They’re dying to see our new TV. It’s going to be fun!’
I sighed, trying to stay calm. I could almost see this horrible evening unfolding already. I knew Ethan’s friends would take over the entire house, inappropriate comments would come up in every conversation.
‘Ethan, you know how I feel about them. Every time they come over, it’s like our house turns into a fraternity. I’m not cleaning up after them anymore. That’s not going to happen.’
My husband’s face lowered, a look of wounded pride flashing in his eyes.