Something deep and sharp opened in my chest. I could have walked away. I should have, but I’d walked away too many times already.
I grabbed the letter off the floor and before I had time to think, I tore it open. The paper crackled in my hands and the stupid flattened bow fell to the floor. My breath came in quick gasps as I tore through the thin cardboard, revealing a gift from Tyler’s first love.
Inside was a letter, neatly folded, aged to a delicate yellow colour. I froze.
It was the thing he’d been protecting for thirty years. My heart raced in my ears as I unfolded the page, and my fingers trembled.
When I read the first sentence, my stomach dropped. I slumped backwards and sank heavily onto the couch as my knees weakened.
‘Tyler, I’m pregnant. I know it’s a shock, but I didn’t know where else to turn. My parents found out and are forcing me to stay away from you, but if you meet me at the bus station on the 22nd, we can elope together. I’ll be wearing a green coat.
Please meet me there, Tyler. I’m so sorry I lied the day I broke up with you. My dad was watching from the car. I never stopped loving you.’
I pressed my fist to my mouth to keep from making a sound.
She was there. She was waiting for him. And he never came. But worse than that, he didn’t even open the letter. He didn’t even suspect…
I heard Tyler’s footsteps coming down the stairs. I didn’t even try to hide what I’d done.
When he saw me holding the letter, his face went pale.
‘What have you done?!’ His voice was harsh, cutting through the air like glass. ‘That was my dearest memory!’
I stood up and slowly turned towards him, feeling something inside me tear.
“Memory?” I raised the letter like a battle flag. “You mean this? The letter you never even opened? You mean you’ve been clinging to this ‘memory’ for thirty years, but you haven’t even had the courage to see what it is?”
He blinked and stepped back as if I’d slapped him.
“I didn’t…” He stopped and ran a hand over his face. “I was scared, okay?”
“Coward,” I hissed, throwing the letter at him like a sword.
His eyes widened. We stood like that for what seemed like an eternity, but then he picked up the page and read the letter.
Tears didn’t even come to my eyes as I watched him sigh in shock and lean back against the back of the couch. I was too tired for this.
Emotions flashed across his face, and at one point he let out a quiet groan. He seemed to reread her words at least three times before dropping his head in his arms.
‘She… she waited and I didn’t come.’ His shoulders were shaking and his voice was thick with emotion.
A silence hung between us, thick and suffocating. He wept like a man mourning his own grave. But I didn’t feel sorry for him. I was waiting, too.
‘Tyler,’ I said, my voice as calm as a calm lake after a storm. ‘I’m tired. Tired of being second to the ghost.’ I felt my heart calm down. ‘We’re done.’
He didn’t follow me as I left the room.
The divorce went quietly. Neither of us had the energy to make it messy. We shared the house, the cars, and the rest of our lives.
He tracked her down. I learnt about it from our youngest. She was happily married and their son had no interest in getting to know Tyler or his half-siblings. He missed his chance. Twice.
And me? I have my own flat. On Christmas Eve, I sat by the window, watching the soft glow of the lights from the neighbouring flats.
This year there was no Christmas tree, no boxes, no ghosts. Just peace.