For a whole year, I thought I knew everything about Lily, until an unexpected visit to her flat revealed a secret that shattered my reality. But as she stood there, afraid I’d leave like everyone else, she had no idea that I was also harbouring a past I wasn’t ready to face.
I stood outside Lily’s flat with a bag of takeaway food in my hands and I was a little nervous, but mostly excited. We’d been together for a year now, and I knew her well. At least, that’s how it seemed to me.
Lily and I had been dating for a year. She was kind, fun, and full of life. I liked that about her. But lately, something had changed.
She cancelled two dates this week. When we talked, she seemed distracted. Distant. I didn’t want to think about it too much, but I missed her. And if something was wrong, I wanted to help.
So I did something we’d never done before. I showed up unannounced.
I knocked.
There was no answer.
I knocked again, shifting the bag of food in my hands. The light was on. I knew she was home. I pulled out my phone to text her when suddenly I heard it. A giggle. A childish giggle.
I froze.
It was coming from inside her flat. A second later, a little voice, clear as day, said.
‘Mummy, can you help me?’
I stepped back as if I’d been hit. Mummy?
My stomach twisted, and my mind whirled with thoughts. She didn’t have nephews or nieces, at least she’d never mentioned it. And that little voice… it didn’t sound like the voice of a visitor. It sounded like the voice of someone who lived here.
I froze, my heart pounding. The door suddenly opened. Lily stood there, her face pale and her brown eyes widened with shock.
‘Hi,’ I said slowly. ‘I decided to surprise you.’
She swallowed hard. ‘I…I wasn’t expecting you.’
Her voice was strained, nervous. Her body was blocking the doorway.
I peered over her shoulder. The flat looked the same as before, except for a few toys scattered on the floor. A stuffed bear. A tiny trainer by the sofa. My chest clenched.
‘Lily,’ I said gently, ’who was that?’
She flinched. For a second she just stared at me. Then she exhaled heavily and walked out, closing the door behind her.
‘My son.’
Those words hit me like a punch. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
She turned away, wrapping her arms around herself. ‘I wanted to tell you,’ she whispered. ‘I wanted to. But I was scared.’
I found my voice, though it came out rough. ‘Scared of what?’
She hesitated. Then, barely moving to a whisper, she said: ‘Afraid of losing you.’
I stared at her. Lily, the woman I trusted, the woman I thought I knew, had kept such a big secret for a whole year. A whole year.
I exhaled slowly. ‘How old is he?’
‘Five,’ she said.
Five. That meant she’d had it long before we’d met.
I ran my hand over my face, trying to realise what was happening. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
She swallowed. ‘All the guys I dated before you… when they found out, they left. Every single one of them. Some right away. Some after a few weeks. But they always left.’
Her voice was steady, but you could hear the pain in it.
I shook my head. ‘So you just…decided not to tell me? Ever?’
Tears glistened in her eyes. ‘I wanted to. So many times. But every time I tried, I heard their voices in my head. The excuses. Refusals. And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go through it again.’
Her voice trailed off on the last word.
Something inside me softened.
I wasn’t angry. Not really. I was shaken. Wounded, perhaps. But looking at her now – standing there, scared – I didn’t see a liar. I saw a mother trying to protect her child.
I exhaled slowly. ‘Lily…’
She wiped her eyes. ‘I know this isn’t fair to you. And if you want to leave, I understand. But please… if you’re going to leave, do it now. Don’t drag it out. Don’t make me get my hopes up.’
I exhaled, rubbing the back of my head. Leave? I was supposed to feel betrayed. Maybe part of me did. But the other part…the other part just saw a scared woman. A woman who thought she had to hide the most important part of her life in order to be loved.
And that didn’t sit well with me.
we were going. She just followed me. Perhaps she sensed that whatever I had to say and show was very important.
I pulled into the car park of my apartment complex and turned the car off. My hands gripped the steering wheel for a second before I exhaled and let it go.
Lily shifted next to me. ‘What does that mean?’
I glanced at her. ‘Come inside the house. I’ll explain everything.’
She hesitated, studying my face, then nodded.
Inside, I led her down the corridor, past the living room, past my bedroom, to a door I hadn’t opened in years. My fingers hovered over the doorknob before I finally turned it.
The door creaked open. Lily took a step inside, and her breath caught. The room was frozen in time.
It was a dusty but pristine nursery.
Pale blue walls. A wooden cot. A bookshelf filled with tiny picture books. There was a rocking chair by the window with a small blanket thrown over the side.
She wasn’t talking. She was just soaking it all in.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and finally spoke.
‘I had a son too.’
Lily turned and looked at me, her eyes widening.
‘His name was Caleb,’ I said. ‘He’s about Ethan’s age now.’
A silence hung between us. I stepped forward and ran my fingers along the railing of the cot. Dust clung to my skin.
‘Three years ago, we were driving through a red light. A truck driver lost control…crashed into us.’ My voice was steady, but my chest ached. ‘I survived. Caleb didn’t.’
Lily sighed softly.
‘My ex-wife…she never forgave me. She said it should have been me, not him.’ My throat constricted. ‘Maybe she was right.’
Lily shuddered. ‘Don’t say that.’
I laughed bitterly. ‘I never packed that room. Because if I did… it would be like erasing it.’
Lily didn’t say anything. She just walked over and took my hand. No pity. No fear. Just understanding.
I closed my eyes for a moment, squeezing her fingers. For the first time in years, I felt like I wasn’t alone.
Lily hadn’t rushed things after that night. She let me catch my breath, let me come to my senses. But gradually she started introducing me to Ethan – little by little at first.
I met them in the park one afternoon. Ethan stayed close to Lily at first, eyeing me curiously.
‘Do you like superheroes?’ I asked, crouching down to his level.
Ethan narrowed his eyes. ‘Who’s your favourite?’
‘Spider-Man,’ I said.
His face lit up. ‘Mine too!’
In that moment, he decided it was worth talking to me. It started with small conversations. Then it turned into board games. Film nights.
One day Lily had to stay late at work and she asked if I could watch him for a few hours. We built a pillow fort in the living room. We made popcorn. He fell asleep at my side before the film was even over, and something in my chest shifted.
One night, when Ethan was already asleep, Lily and I sat on her couch, a soft lamp illuminating the room with a warm glow.
‘I was so scared,’ she admitted, looking at her hands. ‘All the men before you…they didn’t even try to stay.’
I reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. ‘I’m not them.’
She looked up at me, her eyes shining. ‘I keep waiting for you to change your mind.’
I shook my head. ‘It’s nothing like that.’
One night I stood in the nursery again, running my fingers over the dust-covered cot. I could almost hear Caleb’s laughter. I could see his tiny hands reaching for me. I squeezed my eyes shut.
‘What if I don’t deserve this happiness?’ I whispered.
Behind me came Lily’s soft but firm voice.
‘You do deserve it. But you have to believe it.’
I turned to her. She was standing in the doorway looking at me. She wasn’t pushing. She didn’t force me to speak. She just stood there.
And somehow that was enough.
A week later, I stood in the nursery, sunlight streaming in through the window. Piece by piece, I was removing the grief, but not the love. I left the little teddy bear and the photograph. And the rest? It was time to let life in again.
Lily appeared in the doorway, Ethan beside her.
He looked inside, eyes wide. ‘Is this my new playroom?’
I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded.
His face lit up. ‘Thanks, Daddy!’
The word struck me. I deserved it. And for the first time, I actually believed it.
