‘I suppose it’s best to say it straight away,’ she began. ‘So that nothing is left unsaid later.’
I just nodded.
‘You’re a good person. Calm, attentive…’ she smiled for a moment, but there was no warmth in that smile. ‘But I’ve realised I don’t feel what I suppose I ought to feel.’
It was said gently. Almost tenderly. But the meaning needed neither clarification nor further explanation.
And the strange thing was—at that moment, I felt neither anger nor resentment. Just a slight sense of inner emptiness, like weariness. As if I’d been carrying something fragile and precious in my hands for a long time, and then suddenly realised I could simply put it back where it belonged.
‘I understand,’ I replied after a pause.
And I really did understand. Not because I didn’t care. But because there wasn’t the slightest hesitation left in her voice.
We talked a little more. Calmly now, almost in a businesslike manner. About the journey, about work, about how ‘these things happen’. The bottle of wine remained unopened. The chicken stayed in the oven.
I was the first to get up.
‘Thanks for being so straightforward,’ I said.
And that, too, was said without irritation.
She saw me to the door. As I left, she said, ‘Goodbye.’ It sounded softer than her first ‘go on’, but still without that tone one uses when asking someone to stay just a minute longer.
I paused for a second on the landing. Not because of her — because of myself. Just to internalise the fact: right now, the waiting is over, and from here on, ordinary life begins again.
I stepped outside, breathed in the cool air and suddenly found myself smiling.
The shirt still looked good.
I still had the wine with me.
And, unexpectedly, the evening belonged to me once more.
And, come to think of it, that was a perfectly decent outcome too.
Sometimes the perfect picture — a smart shirt, a bottle of wine, the aroma of dinner wafting from the kitchen — doesn’t mean the evening will actually turn out to be a warm one. And if, from the moment you step through the door, you sense coldness, reserve and an inner distance, it’s better to trust that feeling. Self-respect and your own boundaries are worth more than any beautiful expectations.