I left my newborn baby with my husband during a medical conference, but when I returned, his behaviour was strange – withdrawn and depressed. As the tension between us grew, I feared our marriage might collapse under the weight of unfulfilled promises and the strain of new parenthood.
I became a neurologist because my work gave me purpose. I was a troubled teenager, so dedicating my life to something bigger than myself seemed like a redemptive step.
And I found fulfilment in helping patients. But it wasn’t just about the work, it was about the life I was building around it – life with James. We’d been married for four years. He worked in marketing and earned significantly less than me, but it never mattered.
One thing James and I had always agreed on was that children were not a priority. I favoured adoption if we were going to go down that path. Biological children? I was ambivalent about that at best.
But then his best friend had a boy, and everything changed. James started talking about having a child of his own. I wasn’t convinced, but life decided for us when I soon found out I was pregnant.
‘So what do we do?’ I asked, looking at James.
“Let’s keep him. We’ll make it work,” he said squeezing my hand.
We agreed that he would quit his job and stay home with our daughter Lily until she was old enough to go to kindergarten. My job was my life and I had no desire to become a housewife.
Lily was born and soon my maternity leave was over. I had a medical conference out of state, and I left James alone with Lily for the weekend. He assured me he could handle it.
‘Call me if you need anything,’ I told him before I left.
“Don’t worry, Rachel. We’ll be fine,” he smiled as he hugged Lily.
When I got back, something wasn’t right. James was withdrawn, not being his usual self.
‘Hey, how was the conference?’ – He asked, but his eyes didn’t meet mine.
“Good. What’s going on here? You seem… different.”
He shrugged, focusing on Lily in his arms. “Nothing. Just tired, I guess.”
‘Tired?’ I enquired. ‘James, what’s wrong?’
He looked up at me, eyes filled with something I couldn’t define. ‘I…I don’t know if I can do this.’
‘Do what?’ I asked, though I was already dreading the answer.
“This. Stay home with Lily. I feel trapped, Rachel. Depressed.”
His words hit me like a punch to the gut. “You said you could handle it. You agreed to this!”
“I know, but it’s harder than I thought. I’m not cut out for this.”
“So what are you suggesting? That I give up my career? Extend my maternity leave?”
‘Maybe we could think about kindergarten,’ he said softly.
“Kindergarten? We had a deal!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “I’ve made sacrifices, James. My career…”
“What about my sacrifices? I quit my job for this. I’m asking for help, Rachel.”
“Help? That’s not what we planned. We had a deal!” My voice rose, frustration boiling over. At this point, Lily started crying and James looked like he might break down.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered, flooding with tears. ‘I just need help.’
I stared at him, feeling betrayed. The man I relied on was crumbling, and our agreement seemed to be falling apart. I needed time to think, to make sense of the situation.
But Lily’s screams demanded attention, and right now all I could do was hold her close to me, feeling the weight of the sacrifices we’d both made.
The next few days passed in tension. James avoided talking about the subject, immersing himself in domestic chores and childcare duties. I, on the other hand, buried myself in work, leaving early and returning late. We lived in the same house, but miles apart.
One night, after putting Lily to bed, I sat down next to James on the couch. ‘We need to talk.’
He sighed, not taking his eyes off the TV. ‘Yeah, I know.’
“It’s not working, James. We’re both miserable.”
‘I’m doing the best I can, Rachel,’ he snapped. ‘I never said it would be easy.’
“But you promised. You said you’d stay home with Lily. And now you’re refusing?”
“I’m not refusing! I’m just…” He ran a hand through his hair, indignant. “I didn’t realise how hard this was going to be. I feel trapped.”
I felt a surge of anger. “So? You think I don’t feel trapped sometimes? You think I wanted to go back to work so quickly?”
“You have a choice, Rachel. You can stay home.”
“And give up everything I’ve been working on? No. We have a plan.”
He stood up, paced the room. “Maybe the plan was wrong. Maybe we rushed it.”
‘Rushed?’ I interjected incredulously. “You were the one who wanted the baby, remember? I never would have agreed to Lily if I’d known you’d change your mind.”
His face lowered and he looked genuinely hurt. ‘Do you regret having her?’
I paused, stunned. “No, I don’t. But I regret that we’re letting her down because we can’t get our act together.”
“So what do you suggest? Divorce?” His voice was a barely audible whisper.
“I don’t know, James. But something has to change.”
The next day, I took matters into my own hands. Before he could say anything, I emerged from the kitchen with a glass of water in my hands. ‘Meet Claire,’ I said calmly. ‘She’s our new nanny.’
His face contorted with confusion and anger. “What, a nanny? We can’t afford that!”
I handed the glass of water to Claire and gestured for her to sit down. “Actually, we can. You’ll go back to work and work from home from now on. All of your income will go to pay Claire. She’ll help you during the day so you can concentrate on your work.”
His face reddened with anger. “That’s crazy! You can’t just decide this without talking to me!”
I stepped closer, my voice firm but controlled. “We talked about this in the beginning. You made a promise. You agreed to stay home and take care of our daughter. If you can’t do that, then we need to discuss other options.”
He looked at me, perplexed. “Other options? What do you mean?”
‘I mean we can get a divorce,’ I said bluntly. “You’d be a single dad and I’d pay child support. But you can’t make me take on the responsibility you agreed to take on. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am, and I’m not going to let you ruin my career.”
He sank down on the couch, resting his head on his hands. “I don’t want a divorce. I just… I didn’t realise how hard it would be.”
I softened my tone a little. “I understand that it’s hard. That’s why Claire is here to help. But you have to step up. Our daughter needs both of us to be strong for her.”
Claire started work the following Monday. She was a godsend. James resisted at first, but as time went on, he began to appreciate her help. The house became calmer and for the first time in weeks James seemed more relaxed.
One evening, watching James feed Lily with a smile, I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe we could make it work after all.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said one night as we lay in bed. ‘I should have been more supportive.’
‘I’m sorry too,’ I replied. ‘I should have listened to you more.’
‘Claire is great with Lily,’ he admitted. ‘That makes a difference.’
‘I’m glad,’ I said, squeezing his hand. “We’ll get through this, baby. We have to.”
Slowly, the situation began to improve. With Claire’s help, James adjusted to his new role. He began to bond with Lily, gaining confidence and coping with the difficulties of childcare. He began to work part-time as a freelance home marketer, which eased the financial burden.
As for me, I dove headfirst into my practice, balancing a demanding career and family commitments. It wasn’t easy, but knowing that James was getting the support he needed made it bearable.
One night, when Lily was already asleep, James and I sat on the porch, enjoying a rare moment of peace. ‘We’re doing well,’ he said, putting his arm around me.
‘Yeah, it is,’ I agreed, leaning against him.
‘I had no idea how difficult it would be,’ he admitted. ‘But I’m glad we’re doing it together.’
‘Me too,’ I said. ‘I love you, James.’
“I love you, too. And I love Lily. We’re going to make it work.”
We sat in silence and looked up at the stars, feeling a renewed commitment to each other. We had a long way to go, but we were stronger together. And for the first time in a long time, I believed that we could withstand anything if we were there for each other.
Anyone who feels like their relationship is in trouble, it only takes a little trust and love for each other to make it through this journey.
