Peter looked at me, desperately trying to find the right words.
‘I didn’t know how to tell you,’ he replied.
‘Every time I thought about it, it just seemed to get worse.
But please believe me, I never doubted you for a moment.’
I shook my head, unable to deal with the swelling emotions.
‘It’s not just the test, Peter.
It’s about trust.
You decided that I shouldn’t know about it, and in doing so, you deprived me of the opportunity to decide how to handle it.
‘I just wanted to protect you,’ he replied in a shaky voice.
‘I knew how much it would hurt you, and I wanted to keep you safe from it.
It didn’t change anything about how I felt about you or our son.’
‘But it would have changed my feelings for you, Peter! That’s the point!
We could have handled this together, but instead you chose to carry this burden alone.’
The silence that followed was heavy and unbearable.
I felt my legs give out and I leaned on the table top to keep from falling.
After a while I said: ‘We have a lot to discuss, Peter.
I don’t know how we’ll get through this, but I know I don’t want to leave everything we’ve built, our family.’
Peter nodded, wiping away the tears, and stood up.
‘I’ll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust,’ he said quietly.
‘I know I made a mistake, but I love you and our children more than anything.’
We hugged, both of us unsure, like we needed to get used to each other’s closeness again.
It wasn’t a decision, but it was a step toward one.
I knew it would take time and effort to rebuild trust between us, and that the shadow of this revelation would be over us for a long time to come.
But if there was one thing I could still believe in, it was the love that bound us together-and the hope that, no matter how difficult the journey, we could find our way back to each other.