I just don’t understand my mum’s priorities. She recently turned 70 and decided to treat herself to an $1800 designer dress – just to go to book club and occasionally see friends.
At the same time, my son is about to enter college and any financial help will make a difference.
This is hard for me to do. She has always been practical and put family first, so this is totally out of character for her. This money could really mean something for her grandson’s future.
Am I being unreasonable by feeling this way? Shouldn’t she care more about her family than an expensive dress that she probably won’t wear more than a few times? Has anyone else experienced something like this?
When I first heard about the dress, I honestly thought it was a joke. My mum was never the type to spend money on luxury items. She always preached about saving for a rainy day, about spending money wisely. So when she casually mentioned buying a dress at dinner, I almost choked on my water.
I tried to keep my voice neutral. ‘Wait, you actually bought an $1800 dress? For real?’
She smiled, looking oddly pleased with herself. ‘Yes. It’s amazing, and I love it.’
I couldn’t hide my reaction. ‘Mum, that’s a lot of money. Don’t you think it could be better spent? I mean, Tyler’s going to college soon.’
Her expression darkened slightly, but her tone remained calm. ‘I’ve helped him a lot over the years, dear. It’s what I wanted for myself.’
I didn’t want to push, but it hurt. We’re not rich. Every dollar counts. And while my mum isn’t broke, she’s not swimming in money either. She lives comfortably on her savings and pension, but she’s always emphasised careful spending. I just couldn’t understand why she suddenly wanted to buy an expensive dress, after all, she’d always put her family first.
I pondered this for days, feeling more and more resentful the more I thought about it. This wasn’t about me. It was about Tyler. He was working part-time, applying for scholarships, and he still didn’t have enough money for his first year of college. An extra $1,800 could have helped significantly.
Finally, I brought it up again.
‘Mom, I just don’t get it,’ I confessed one day over a cup of coffee. ‘You always told us that money should be spent wisely. That we should always think about how it can help others. And that seems so…selfish.’
She sighed, setting the cup aside. ‘You think I’m selfish?’
I hesitated, but nodded. ‘Yeah, honestly, I think so.’
She was silent for a long moment and then leaned forward, keeping her gaze on me. ‘Did you know that when I was your age, I wanted to buy myself a nice dress? Not a designer one, not something fancy, just something that would make me feel special.’
I blinked. ‘No.’
She smiled weakly, but there was sadness in her eyes. ‘No, because every penny went to raising you and your brother. I clipped coupons. I wore the same coat for ten years. I worked extra shifts. And I’ve never regretted it. Not once.’
Guilt began to creep into her soul, but she wasn’t done yet.
‘But I’m seventy now. I’ve lived my life for others – my children, my husband, my grandchildren. And I will continue to do so because I love you all. But for once, just once, I wanted to do something for myself without feeling guilty.’
I swallowed, feeling a lump in my throat. ‘But Mum, Tyler…’
She held up a hand. ‘I love Tyler. And I was already planning on getting him something for school. I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you.’
I frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
She sighed. ‘I’ve set aside money for him. Not $1,800, but more. It’s a surprise for him before he leaves for college. I wasn’t going to say anything yet.’
I sat there, stunned. ‘Why didn’t you just tell me?’
She smiled slightly. ‘Because I wanted to see if you would trust me.’
The weight of my disappointment began to shift into something else. Guilt? Maybe. Understanding? Definitely.
It took me so long to get upset that I couldn’t stop thinking about what Mum had already done for us. She had given her whole life to supporting our family. And now, after decades of sacrifice, she had done something solely for herself, and I made her feel bad about it.
I took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, mum. I was just worried about Tyler.’
She tugged on my arm. ‘I know. And that’s why you’re a good parent. But you also have to remember that people-especially parents-deserve to do things for themselves sometimes.’
I nodded slowly, and the tension in my chest eased. ‘Okay. But can I at least see the dress?’
She laughed, standing up. ‘Sure! You might even want to borrow it someday.’
That night, I thought a lot about our conversation. About how easy it is to judge someone when you don’t know the whole picture. About how often we expect people, especially parents, to give and give and give without leaving a moment for themselves.
My mum spent her whole life putting others first. And never once asked for anything in return.
Maybe she deserved that dress.
So was I wrong to be upset? Maybe. But I also learnt something important: sometimes people need to do what makes them happy, even if we don’t realise it straight away. And that’s okay.
If you’ve had times when you’ve judged too quickly or couldn’t understand a loved one’s choices, I’d love to hear about it. Let’s talk about it in the comments! And if this story resonated with you, don’t forget to like and share!
