Most of us can compare ourselves to those who face other people’s opinions and questions when it comes to having children.
Today’s society silently tells us to have a good job, meet a partner, get married and have children. Therefore, spouses who decide not to have children often have to justify their decision to others. People who don’t understand this decision can be quite awkward and ask personal questions that don’t concern them.
Often these questions can be very personal and uncomfortable and make the interviewee feel uncomfortable, especially when asked why they chose not to be a parent.
Unfortunately, not having children can be considered the ultimate form of selfishness – but when couples who are perceived as ‘different’ want to have children together, the view of selfishness quickly changes…
More than 20 years ago, Patti White of California received news that both delighted and worried her. Her daughter Lisa announced that she was pregnant.
Lisa has Down syndrome, a congenital chromosomal disorder that manifests itself in varying degrees of physical and mental disabilities. But many people forget that many people with Down syndrome can take care of themselves, have jobs and lead independent lives.
However, two people with Down syndrome are less likely than other couples to have a child because it is rare for a man with Down syndrome to father a child.
When Patti White found out that a grandchild had been born, she was very surprised but fully supported her daughter Lisa and her decision to keep the baby.
At 29, Lisa had her own flat and was working full-time at a
at a local Goodwill shop. She had been living on her own for 11 years.
‘She got on with everyone. ‘She could do everything except the cash register. She liked it there and they liked her,’ Patti told Voice in 2016.
Lisa also began a relationship with a man with Down syndrome, and they dated but lived in different homes. Patti realised her daughter was in a healthy adult relationship – they also discussed things like birth control and safe sex.
‘At the time, all the books said that men with Down syndrome were infertile, and we were told not to worry about it because they couldn’t get pregnant,’ Patti says.
But fate had other plans.
Patti had just returned from lunch at work and was listening to a message on her voicemail. Then she got a message from an excited Lisa:
‘Hi Mum, I just wanted you to know that you’re going to be a grandmother soon!’. Patti says, ‘My head was spinning. How can this be? Her boyfriend has a downer!’
Lisa’s decision to have a baby was criticised by outsiders as irresponsible and selfish, and her ability to be a good mother was also questioned. But her family was very supportive and protective of their daughter.
Lisa, a well-spoken and passionate person, had a typical pregnancy in more ways than one. She went to childbirth preparation classes, worked out with a pregnancy coach and had all the typical symptoms.
‘I found it difficult to walk during my pregnancy, I was working five days a week. I was nauseous in the mornings and didn’t feel well. I felt like I was going to throw up,’ Lisa told Voice.
However, her pregnancy was recognised as a high risk pregnancy and was treated as such. Lisa’s son Nick was born four weeks premature and, like his parents, suffered from Down syndrome.
Nick’s father was present at his birth and the young parents tried to live under the same roof after Nick’s birth. But unfortunately, it didn’t work out. Sadly, Nick’s father passed away when he was 5 years old.
Nick, now 24, a handsome young man, was raised by his mum and grandmother who can’t get enough of them.
Having children is a risk for everyone, and Lisa was particularly vulnerable – not least because so many people had their own opinions about her decision to become a mother.
It got to the point where Lisa lost touch with some of her friends – her friends’ parents were afraid Lisa would influence their daughters to want to have children too.
But in the end, all these opinions don’t matter, especially to Nick, who continues to thrive; he’s a college graduate and has a lot of respect for the women who raised him. He became who he is today because of them.
‘I have two mums. My mum Lisa is my biggest future in life. She gave me life, she gave me love, she gave me birth, and she’s always wonderful and beautiful,’ he said in an interview with Fabiosa.
In 2016, Patti shared the heartwarming news on Facebook, along with a photo of the proud mum and happy son:
‘This is my daughter, Lisa, clowning around with her son, Nick. They both have Down syndrome. This year is a milestone year for all of us. She’s going to turn 50 and he’s going to turn 20. Me, I’m older than dirt. I’m so proud of us. When she got pregnant, we were eager for her to get to know him and build a relationship with him. They have had many ups and downs, but after all these years we can honestly say they have overcome the odds and share a great love for each other and their little family,‘ (she is a single mum),’ Patti wrote.
This mother and son team has spent decades showing the world the value of people with Down syndrome. Patti, Lisa and Nick’s story also contains important information and will hopefully help others make a decision.
They are inspiring and deserve our respect and admiration. Please share with us if you agree.
