Oh, they’re all beautiful! I mean, they’re all ugly as mortal sin, but that’s not why we love them.
Hugh Laurie
Everybody loved Hugh for Dr House, of course. Or rather, they loved the doctor first, and then they loved Hugh. And that’s really weird. Because with looks like that, to be an aggressive sociopath is just so you. I guess minus for minus is a plus. Definitely. Because while Laurie played comedic roles, it never occurred to anyone to think he was cute.
Benedict Cumberbatch
You know the joke about Cumberbatch being mistaken for cheese? Well, it’s not just about the surname. The actor does look a bit like a stale dairy product. Or a dead ferret. But what the hell does it matter if he’s a genius?
Serge Gainsbourg
Four marriages, many mistresses and an incredible number of admirers. But how? We don’t know. If you have a guess – please tell us.
Adrien Brody
A long-nosed baying hound with eyes full of sorrow. Yeah, it’s probably that basset hound look. Brody is always so forlorn, it’s impossible not to like him.
Danny Trejo
Trejo’s every hero is a simple Mexican bloke with the intelligence of a stooge. But he’s so cool, it’s crazy! Tattoos, motorbikes, machetes, that’s it. He’s just like that in real life, that’s the beauty of it.
Mickey Rourke
Once upon a time, trees were big, ice cream was delicious and Mickey Rourke was so handsome you couldn’t take your eyes off him. Things have changed dramatically since then. But it’s good to know that there are still things in the world that don’t change: Mickey’s charisma, for example. Who cares what he looks like? He’s beautiful, full stop.
Gérard Depardieu
But Mr Depardieu could not boast of an attractive appearance in his youth, and with age he turned into a caricature of himself. Well, it’s for the best. Because he was just cute, and now – cute and funny. Mi-mi-mi-mi!
Vincent Cassel
The whole world is waiting with bated breath: when, well, when will Cassel finally get horns, hooves and a tail? Here’s a lesson for you, dear children: fear your wishes, they come true. Cassel wanted to be demonic so badly that he actually turned into a devil. The face, at least, is definitely devilish. Mm, there’s something about that.
Christopher Walken
And Mr Walken didn’t turn into anything, he was just born that way, I guess. Anyway, we remember a time when he was quite attractive – but only with dark glasses and a closed mouth. Because those whitish eyes and that shark’s smile terrified us in kindergarten. Now we’ve grown to love being scared. It’s invigorating, you know.
Javier Bardem
The classic Beast from the Belle cartoon. Terrible on the face, good on the inside. Well, Javier’s eyes are kind, that’s for sure. It’s his nostrils you want to stay away from. Have you ever been sniffed by a very large dog? It’s like a hoover running on the lowest setting. Bardem reminds us of something like that. But a monster! We love monsters. We love them.
Mark Anthony
He’s kind of creepy. But we seem to understand why pretty J.Lo married him. Some people love pocket boys. We do, too. We might not mind a hand gnome, either.
Tim Roth
Tim Roth is an amazing man: he can play anyone. No, really – there is no role that would not suit him. That’s why we love him – for his mystery. How does he manage to reincarnate in so many different people? And where, excuse me, where does his strange face go? The mystery of the century.
Daniel Craig
Yeah, gotcha! No need to deny it: everyone watched German porn and dreamed of a sexy plumber. You asked for it, you got it: here he is, the sexy Daniel. With the face of the plumber Semyonich, who yesterday sewed himself up and now suffers.
Alan Rickman
‘Hear Metatron, the messenger of the Almighty, the voice of the true God.’ The creators of the film ‘Dogma’ took the actor for the role of an angel, because they decided – if the Almighty has a voice, it is the voice of Alan Rickman. Watching films with Rickman in dubbing is a crime, honestly. Subtitles only! Also, Rickman is Snape. Severus Snape. What else is there to say? Only this: we don’t care that Rickman looks like an elderly rat. He’s a genius and he’s Severus. Full stop.
Adriano Celentano
We give the honourable first place and the title of scariest sexy man to dear Adriano. Firstly, he really is the ugliest. And secondly, he is in general the most-same: the most talented, the most sexy, the sweetest, the most… Because we love him from the nappies. And we’ll never stop loving him. Well, because our mums loved him. And it’s very likely our daughters will, too. It’s beautiful, yeah.
