When you see your high school friend who is happily married, it is easy to assume: “That’s because her husband is a successful businessman, and she was lucky to marry him. If he was an electrician, who knows how it might have turned out.” Nobody might have any idea that the fortunate businessman once started out as someone not very successful. However, his wife helped him get through that rocky period of his life, and they overcame lots of difficulties together, which is the cementing factor of their marriage. As the saying goes, “If you want to be a general’s wife — you need to marry a lieutenant.” The woman is her partner’s guiding light, support, and anchor. Still, relationships are fragile ecosystems that require care and effort from both partners.
What the old saying doesn’t mean (but some think it does) is that you can marry just about anyone and then change your partner after you’re married. People who have had lasting marriages and those who have had disastrous ones both agree on the fact that this never works. According to them, entering into a marriage expecting your partner to change is simply foolish. Instead, it is important to look for similarities and partners who have the same core values. Opposites may attract, but they don’t make satisfying unions.
Meeting someone you can feel happy and comfortable with may seem to be a matter of luck or fate — or at least, we like to see it this way. However, what your relationship develops into is solely the result of your actions and taking full responsibility for them. Attributing something extraordinary to the events or circumstances that have introduced you to a certain person doesn’t help at all.
It is extremely important to learn how to accept responsibility for what happens in your life instead of shifting it to someone or something else, such as chance, the government, fate, etc. We all want something to change or miraculously enter into our life, but the realistic approach is to understand that we are the screenwriters who are in charge of our own lives. People ‘invite’ certain events and circumstances into their lives by their way of thinking, actions, or lack thereof, and when they try to ‘outsource’ their direct responsibilities to luck, it is not surprising that luck doesn’t take up the job.
When the bouquet is thrown and beautiful wedding is over, it is really only the start of the journey. Love may seem like a given or a product of pure luck, but building, understanding, and negotiating your marriage in ways that fit your individuality are certainly a hard work. What is your opinion?