Those who have a cat passionately adore their pets. This is understandable, because it’s very difficult not to love cats. And there are objective reasons for this behavior.
The cat is very simple. He has ears on his head, a stomach in his belly, claws on his feet, a white spot on his nose, and the cat ends with its tail. The cat also has rules, and they are simple and righteous, like a list of questions for offsets buried in its cat tray.
First: He is never bored.
When the cat gets bored, the cat goes to sleep. When he wakes up, he no longer has boredom, but also food. Because the cat is going to eat. And then carry the kitchen. Actually, he has been delivering this kitchen for five or six years, along with the corridor, he knows across, along, in depth and by smell, but still has not lost his taste for life. He watches everything that happens as if this is the first time. He is being played. He is improvising. He looks. This helps him to prank and learn. He even learned to give the right paw to the “one” account, and the second to the “two”, and the “one-time” two times the right and skepticism at a discount, at wholesale prices.
Second: The cat never whines.
That is, if the cat is aching, he wants to either eat, or write, or love and affection, or all at once. Satisfying a cat’s wishes is very simple. He will thank you for shutting the squeaker and decorating the room again. The cat can not stand the brain, he knows exactly what he wants from life. True, sometimes he wants something strange, but his grandmother drinks all the valerian, because these are just dreams, and there’s nothing to whine about anyway. Note: the sounds in G major produced by the cat during tuning the guitar are a signal of the tuner built into the cat to calibrate the master’s nerves, and not whining about the horrors of acoustic torture.
Third: if the Cat wants affection, he will return a hundredfold.
The cat comes to purr. He doesn’t care that someone drinks tea, writes an article at night or paints delicate work with varnish. The cat wants love. Right now. Immediately. All-encompassing. You can first behind the ear and at the tail. The cat will take its paws, mustache, ears, murch and will love until victory, until he surrenders and is allowed to be stroked. The cat is happy. He actually wants to be answered. He has a lot. It bursts. He needs to share, otherwise it is unfair to him that he stares, and there are no others.
Fourth: He is not ashamed.
Never. Unlike people, the cat knows that his butt must be left in the past. That is, leave your past behind. It is advisable to bury it well. He is not ashamed of the tail in the coffee mug, the wool on the new coat, the rugs on the carpet, pissed-on slippers, broken mugs, bitten fish, poblevka on the laptop and tattered furniture. He feels good, he is a cat, he lives like that, you can come to terms with it or live elsewhere from the cat. Resistance is pointless.
Fifth: The cat is sovereign.
Try to get the cat out from under the sofa. You have no right to invade the territory of his state. The state of the cat is any place where the cat, plus or minus thirty centimeters. Armed claws and teeth, battle bears and burning eyes from darkness will be put forward against you. It is not necessary to do with the cat what the cat is incomprehensible, uninteresting and tasteless: the cat does not like violence, but uses it in the mode of alaverdi. You give him a pill, he scratches you — mutually beneficial trade-off.
Sixth: The cat is a man.
This means that he will ruin his household right in front of your nose and will tear him. Then, after polishing the instrument to a shine, it will jump onto your hand from the side of the elbow and begin to multiply. There is not a word about genetics in the cat’s head, because the elbow in the leopard robe is wonderful DNA. Without a leopard robe, only a hairy male limb is considered. Shaved does not roll, tried — the hair remotely reminds the cat that it should be a female cat.
The fact that on the other side of the hand is attached an adult man of 59 years old does not bother the cat. He is liberal about everything, and in his head 70% of the useful area is occupied by ears and mouth, and not thoughts about why you can’t do what he does with his hand, also male.
Seventh: The cat said — the cat did.
A cat beaten by a slipper will bite your leg once. And roll off. He believes it’s easier to bite once than to sulk under the closet for three days. Under the closet, they are dusty and give nothing but old, already chewed jute mice. And outside the cabinet is interesting.
Eighth: The cat is beautiful.
And the cat is transparent. If you don’t see TV through the cat, this is your problem. Why do you watch TV when you have a cat? Look at the cat. Chat with him. Appreciate analog communication, a mustache in your eye!
Ninth: The cat is fluffy and soft.
Unless, of course, you take him from the end from which he bites, and do not offend him. Inside the cat, kindness, naughty, cat food, purr, pounding heart, a little shit and a device for squeaking. The cat also has chakras, but if you ask him what it is, he will look at you for the rest of his life, like a bow on a string. Emotion and adoration are on top of the cat, therefore it is irresistible: its striped fur and true cat’s charisma block all the enemy’s negativity better than any armor, making them suffer from repentance, how it turned out to be angry at such a cutie.